Welcome to Survivor

hott. can't wait

20. Natalia – industrial engineer; hot-head, bossy
The Oh-No You Didn’t – will go off

19. Angelina – Stanford, Masters from Yale, in management, not finance; high maintenance

Meredith Grey – young, professional intense woman, overthinks, gets a blind-slide

18. Cowboy Carl – the truck driver
True Grit – older athletic or military male; tough guy, you see what you get

17. Lyrsa Torres – afraid of the ocean and reptiles, is LGBT (cool), kick-boxes, practical
Lady Gaga – female not like the others, flaky, New-Agey (Kaitlyn, Rockstar), flip

16. The Mayor of Slamtown – is smart, funny and self-aware; mature, articulate
The (Pseudo) Specialist – middle-aged guy who loves himself and the good old days

15. “Davie” – “blerd,” wants to create “chaos,” is not as good as Russell Hantz
Pony Boy – young male outside of the mainstream, sensitive, aware, not a bro

14. Natalie – Publishing CEO (Merge cusp), very tough; needs to talk more about the game
The Wise Older Woman – can see through all of your nonsense; no hugs

13. Hot Cop Daniel – a dad, looks up to his step-dad (another merge boot); no killer instinct
Seduce and Destroy – most diverse type (could be smart, mean or naive); salesman

12) Jeremy – 2nd jury member, observant, intuitively understands people, analyzes minds
Social Butterfly – vivacious, bonds with both genders, outgoing, social, savvy

11) Kara Kay – used a small curved vanity mirror to start a fire; pleasant
The Siren – flirtation and charm are their game, seen as a threat (Parvati)

10) Jessica – grew up watching the game, worried about her age, 4th jury member
Little Red Riding Hood – young, sweet student; carried to the end by a strategist

9) Mike White – Jimmy Johnson part II; he’s keeping expectations low, dark horse??
Mr. Miyagi – older male player, wise, dad of the tribe, reliable season narrator

8) Gabby – open, vulnerable, emotional, smart, trustworthy; beware the quiet ones
Chelsea Handler – witty, cute, anxious, neurotic; nerd bait, ‘manic pixie girl’

7) The Killer Bi – new to Survivor, has no idea how to play the game; walled-off
GI Jane – super athletic female challenge beast, struggles socially

6) Alison – first one to the finale, doctor; just made chief resident but very laid-back (!)
Erin Brockovich – everyday kind of woman, athletic, ‘normal’ job, doesn’t play hard

5) Nick – Top Five, RHAP patron, not Big Tom, ‘Anyone but me,’ has a good shot at winning

The Good Ole Boy

4) Pat – Top Four, Robbed Goddess, dragged to the end if he makes the merge; very rigid
The Heisenberg – Russell Hantz, Jonny Fairplay, high energy, rough around the edges

3) Alec – Final Three, charming, bartender, uses ‘like’ a ton, emotional intelligence, insightful
Surfer Dude – easy-going, calls everyone ‘bro,’ keeps their closest allies; Tyson, Aras

2) Christian – Runner-Up, witty, doesn’t actually do birding, very smart, took coded notes
The Know-It-All – younger, male, snarky, super-fan, embodies the type, kinda nervous

1) Elizabeth – The Winner, understands and respects the game, well-rounded, very subtle
Mommy Dearest – older woman who has kids; Tina

The Surfer Dude has the highest win rate (just look at Tyler, in #BB20; Fabio)
– Solid Alliances: Mommy Dearest, Mr. Miyagi, Good Ole Boy (the Mr. Miyagi never wins; take him as the goat)

he's back

Preliminary Survivor Rankings:

  1. Ultimate Sole Survivor: Christian (the real Cochran)
  2. Alison – the doctor, thumbs up
  3. Dan – SWAT cop, cool Dad [The First Lady of Podcast’s Choice]
  4. Carl – a truck driver, thumbs up; makes jury [Rob’s Choice]
  5. Jeremy Crawford – SC, lawyer, passed the bar in 4 states
  6. Angelina – Stanford, Yale, finance, travel; Parvati overtones?
  7. Alec – the bartender
  8. Natalie – Publishing CEO
  9. Elizabeth Olsen – no, #Birding
  10. Natalia – industrial engineer, into fitness; will be good at challenges
  11. “Davie,” – five Twitter accounts, stuck on DMs, thumbs down
  12. Pat (tattoos, likes the Jets) – a rough version of Rupert; makes the merge, but not jury
  13. Nick Wilson (Kentucky) – will get himself a slingshot, similar to JT; pre-merge
  14. The Mayor of Slamtown – I heard of him in third grade; merge boot
  15. Mike White – School of Rock, bad body shot, kind of flip; will make it to the swap
  16. Kara Kay – doesn’t really pop
  17. Gabby – flakes out in the rain
  18. Lyrsa (purple hair) – definitely pre-jury and pre-merge
  19. Jessica – may also go down in the rain, 50/50
  20. First-One Out: Bi


BB: Dairy Queen, Dancing Queen

Angela, the Dairy Queen

Angela was probably tired of Tyler’s nonsense. She wanted OUT. Their relationship seemed like it could have taken place in seventh grade – not between two adults. Puppy love. I’m with Rob on this one: #Tangela is as dull as Velveeta cheese. Unctuous. Corny. Kitsch.

Love is not perfect. A compelling love, like a compelling hero or anti-hero, is flawed. We knew Faleigh would never last, but fans enjoyed watching them snipe and bicker, like a cantankerous old couple. For Tangela, everything is easy – and easy is boring. If Tangela didn’t feel like they had to keep their relationship a secret, the audience would have soured on them, a long time ago.

Angela was just exhausted. She was tired of ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’ with Tyler, as the ideal couple. Angela got all the bad results of being a compelling villain and none of the superior results, like her mate, the smaller spider, Tyler. She got blamed for everything, by the jury, but Angela didn’t capitalize on her bloodthirsty reputation, to actually win the game.

Taran, the robot’s, heart melted, by the end of the game. My frozen heart never saw the first rays of spring. This TV love didn’t tickle my heart strings. It was moronic. I was worried Tyler would lose his edge, but Angela basically became a housewife and took the fall, for her man. She was left sitting on the asphalt, outside the BB house, wondering what the heck happened to her. Angela got sideswiped by Tyler’s Maserati, burning his way down the speedway, toward the Final Two. Watch out for road rash.

Sam, the maid, can’t imagine a life without cooking and cleaning for the BB HGs. Angela relied on her alliance to the end. She had no contingency plans, she had no support Final Twos. Tyler, meanwhile, had a Final Two, with everyone and his or her mom. If Angela hadn’t listened to conniving Tyler and cut her original Ride-or-Die, Rachel, she might have had a paddle, in hell. But instead, after Kaycee and Tyler cut her, following JC’s earth-shattering W, Angela was left sailing down the Styx, into the abyss (I love mythology).

What happened to her, man? What’s wrong with Angela? – as Rachel would say. What happened to Angela’s warrior spirit? Why did she throw her killer instinct out the window? Amazonia?!?!

Kaitlyn was the best thing in this season

@kaitcoaching was the real winner of #BB20.

It’s too bad that we can’t have a full LGBT Final Two. Both of these two are, sadly, still stuck on Tyler. Gay female Kaycee thinks Tyler is her straight or bisexual male bro. JC is still lost in this tragic gay person crushing on an uninterested straight or bisexual, same-sex person story arc. It’s not good.

Tyler cannot take Kaycee, if he wants to win. But JC could also beat him too, if Tyler decided to take him. Foutte is blaming itself, in the jury house but it won’t be too long before they turn their guns outside of the circle and start firing at Tyler. Rockstar, Bay and Co. would definitely vote for any LGBT person, over Tyler, at this point – even JC.

JC just couldn’t win that second competition. He’s going out, in third place. He played a good social game, manipulated everyone but Tyler, Angela and Kaycee and orchestrated many significant votes, including Kaitlyn’s downfall – but in the end you need to win comps, to enact your will. A “rat, floater game” – as Taran puts it – can only take you so far.

very likely to happen

JC could only win one comp, so he had to rely on various hosts – Fessy, Brett, Tyler and even, at one point, Kaycee. Fessy and Brett bit the bullet, for JC, but both Tyler and Kaycee successfully resisted JC’s parasitic influence. Tyler picked Level 6, his showmance with Angela and finally, his Final Two with Kaycee, over JC.

JC’s problem was that he thought Tyler would put him first – over the aforementioned Level 6, Angela and Kaycee. JC would have won the game, if he hadn’t underestimated the extent of Tyler’s duplicity. ‘Never commit to anyone;’ never believe in anyone, without question. Or as Reagan would say, “Trust but verify.” JC got left in the Broken Hearts Club.

Foutte wins in the end

Then there’s freedom of choice, or at least, the allusion of choice. Some people can, for the most part, make the right decisions – but the spice of life is all of the people who can’t or won’t make the right decisions. I’ve said it before: in the elements, in Survivor, people’s true selves come out, real quick. Bring back Have-Nots, with a vengeance. Put HGs on slop. Get more people to show their HOH-itis – and you’ll see people’s real selves jump out. Four words: Lord of the Flies.