Asperger’s – Page 4 – A Piece, of the Sky

conflicted

Alli sat in the cafe while it rained. The glow of her computer reflected off her glasses. Outside the sun was setting. The curbs were becoming lakes. The passerby stepped away from the edge of the sidewalk as his taxi cab cruised in.

The sky continued to grow darker. The droplets lashed the window. Alli sipped her coffee and listened to the crescendo. The white noise drowned out the smooth jazz coming through the cafe speakers. Every now and again, the door would open with a gust of damp air and someone would come in, fussing over their coat or dripping umbrella.

The coffee was almost cold. Alli sipped the macchiato gingerly. Nearly a year since Dallas. She had heard the Lothario was somewhere in Thailand now, probably enjoying sunny beaches and coconut curry stew. Outside, the downpour would not let up. It seemed like it would rain all night.

Annoyed with her self-pity, Alli closed the laptop. She put on her black trench coat and paid her tab at the counter, before opening the glass door and stepping out into the deluge. Flagging down a taxi on her first try, Alli directed the yellow cab to her apartment.

Back home, Alli put on a dress shirt and some jeans. She put on her Rolex and a dot of cologne. Inside her closet, she checked her hairline in the mirror and then went back out, catching another cab, headed downtown.

She was back at Labyrinth, Dallas and her old stomping grounds. On the first floor was the bar, in the basement was the dance floor. Down in the club was dark as usual. Downstairs also had its own bar. A white-haired woman approached Alli from beyond her left elbow. The woman extended an arm, “Hi, I’m Xen.”

Alli enjoyed dancing with her. She was as buoyant and light, as Alli was circumscribed and stiff. “Let me buy you a drink,” Alli said, over the din emitted from the DJ’s box.

At nearly 1 AM, they walked to a local pizza joint, that served drunk food all night. Sitting at the white-and-red checkered table, Xen asked, “So, what do you do?”

“I’m an accountant,” Alli answered. She struggled to find a way to eat the greasy slice in a delicate way.

It was still raining when they snuggled together on the couch, in front of the fire, at Alli’s place. Rivulets ran down the glass. “You know,” Xen said, “I have a cabin in upstate New York – if you ever want to stop by during the weekend.”

“That would be nice,” Alli answered.

The wind shook the windows. They scrunched deeper under the afghan and watched the fire roar. The log broke and crumbled in the fireplace, with a series of loud snaps.

Alli wanted to believe that there was a cleansing, redemptive power in the rain, even when her hamstring hurt. That somewhere out there, there was a fresher, purer self, waiting to be born.

acceptance

Songs:

コンシャスTHOUGHTS:

ＭＩＤＮＩＧＨＴ

ネオン涙

Cruising

seven homunculi

The morning traffic snaked through Midtown, choking at various points around Grand Central. Alli moved down the street, partially carried by the crowd. It was late spring, an uncommonly warm day. Alli had put a sweater on over a button-up shirt, instead of wearing a coat. Holding a messenger bag, Alli pulled into Starbucks.

Alli ordered a macchiato and sat at the bar in front of the window. The people passed by on their way to work, school, somewhere.

Alli pulled her laptop out of her messenger bag and went to work on the budget worksheets. She did not realize Aspen had sat down beside her.

“Busy, aren’t you?” Aspen said, with a tall flat white in her hand.

Alli looked up, distracted, “Oh, I didn’t see you there.”

“Sometimes, I wander in here, on the weekends.”

“I can’t believe I have never seen you,” Alli laughed.

“Well, with that kind of focus, you probably would not have,” Aspen joked in return.

Alli smiled and closed the Dell, “There – now you have my undivided attention.”

The two watched the constant tableau outside the window for a moment. The light changed, the taxi cabs raced Downtown. People in pea coats, also holding coffees, strode determinedly to unknown locations.

“Are you and Jan still together?” Aspen asked.

“No,” Alli said, “We decided our relationship couldn’t handle the distance.”

“She’s still back in Florida?”

Alli nodded and took a sip of her coffee.

“What about this new woman you are with?” Aspen said.

“Dallas?” “Yeah.”

Alli tamped down her enthusiasm, ” She’s a powerful psychic – and a great dancer.”

Aspen grinned in return, “Do you think she is the one?”

“She definitely knows what she’s doing,” Alli said, “She’s confident and has a way with money.”

“Where do you see yourselves going?”

Alli thought for a moment, “First, we’ll take care of the psychical experiment. Then we will move toward readying our research for Nature.”

“It sounds like, ‘full speed ahead.'” Aspen said.

“I think it could really work,” Alli nodded.

“Let me know if you need anything,” Aspen offered, ” A Tarot deck blessed by my guru. Anything.”

“You’re very kind. I have been practicing with my Zener deck every day.” Alli said.

“I should get going,” Aspen said, “Kaan is coming in; I need to open up the bookstore.”

“How is Kaan?” Alli wondered.

“Rambunctious as always. Can’t stop getting into trouble on that bike.”

“Are you sure about this one?”

“I take things as they come,” Aspen said, “I am just amazed by her energy.”

“How did you two meet?” Alli asked.

Aspen walked down the street. Chain link fence. Bills posted on brick walls. She passed an alley, full of black garbage bags. A figure lay tangled in the mess. Alli was afraid to get closer – and then the person, a woman, groaned.

“Online,” Aspen said.

Alli knew she had lied, but didn’t press the issue. “Stop by my house next weekend,” she said.

“Sounds like a plan,” Aspen smiled, “Will do!”

Aspen pulled on her camel skin coat and sauntered out of the store in her black heels.

***

At home, in the high rise, Alli sat on the couch, in her sweater and buttoned-up shirt, waiting for Dallas to get home from NYU’s lab, so they could go to a social function at the Yale Club.

Alli stared at the TV. It was off. Herself, in khakis and Sperry Top-Siders, sat, reflected at her. She got up and looked out the floor-to-ceiling windows. An insect under a glass.

Jan and Alli used to catch grasshoppers in the fields and frogs in the creek. Alli remembered staring up at the ceiling, at night, Jan lying beside her.

The front door opened, and Dallas came in, tossing her keys on the foyer table. “Are you ready, honey?” she called out.

Alli spun around, “Yes!” she said from the living room.

“Order the Uber; I’m going to take a quick shower,” Dallas said, moving toward the master bedroom.

Alli pulled her phone out of her pants pocket and opened the app, but her mind was out in the Keys, white sand, Daiquiris. Jan lying on a striped beach towel. “Have I made a mistake?” she thought.

The last alumni get-together on the rooftop terrace had left Alli with a great deal of anxiety. She was the introverted one, and internally squirmed at being introduced to that faculty member and this research adviser. The elevator ride back down had not been pleasant. “Staring at the skyline, with a drink in your hand, is not socializing!” Dallas had said. Alli briefly considered saying she had a stomach flu.

Dallas came out of the bathroom in a robe, still toweling her long, blond hair. She caught Alli staring a hole in the wall and said, “If you don’t want to go, I can go and be right back. You don’t have to go, if you don’t want to.”

insomnia sleep deprivation mask