Subconscious Spelunking

inside our hearts

The first tendrils of the sunset crept across the sky. Orange fingers of clouds, set on fire by the dying sun, sunk lower in the oncoming gloom. Alli put her paddle in on one side and then on the other, kayaking down the slow river.

The water was clear in this part of the river, whereas, where she had started out was muddy. She had almost capsized then but had righted herself.

The river had started out a backwoods stream, tangled up in the mangrove forest, before widening out and cutting, like a scythe, through the landscape. Bushes on the banks gave way to trees. Houses dotted the shores.

Nothing escaped the sun’s rays, before it was enveloped in darkness. Water birds, restless, took off from their perches. Distant crows cawed, out of sight. Frogs burped and bellowed in the tall marsh grasses.

Alli paddled on, bright yellow kayak headed for the rushing mouth of the river, where the silt delta met the sea. The air was warm, and the occasional blue dragonfly darted by, zooming away into the humid night.

The dock materialized out of the stale air, and the mists of heat rising from the river. Alli got out and tied the boat to the dock, stowing the oar. The sun was well on its way down by now. The sky blazed a painful red and Alli knew it would rain tomorrow.

Inside the riverside cabin, Alli powered up the gas stove. Outside, the fiery blue mosquito light singed and zapped bugs in its cage. Alli put beans from the can on the burner in a tin cup and broke an egg on top of the beans. She ate the meal, and a slice of bread, with a pat of butter scraped across it.

When it was about to rain, Alli’s hamstring acted up. Nealy had sewn it back together a year ago, dabbing away the warm blood and calming down a hysterical Kaan. A year ago. Alli had worked her way back to full health then. But every time it rained, there was that old twinge.

The river carried old logs and tree branches by the house. The debris caught the posts of the dock and was diverted momentarily, tumbling and spinning in the water. Alli made some thin soup from a ham bone, before putting out the fire and going to sleep.

In the dream, ants flowed in between her toes. Alli chased after the boar in the wilderness. During the night, in the jungle, Alli cornered the red-eyed pig and speared it, the tear-shaped blade sinking into a roll of fat on the beast’s neck.

Yet, in its death throes, the spirit beast, of shadow and smoke, lunged and struck Alli, again on her hamstring, with its serrated tusk. The animal collapsed, crumbling into dust and ashes. Cicadas screamed in the underbrush. Cataracts vaulted into their basins. Every drop of moisture in the forest resonated. Alli’s skin grew cold and she sat down heavily on the ground.

Then, in that Hades, the goddess Artemis appeared, and held the wounded hunter. Light filled the woods. Wind battered the trees. Alli fainted and the gash healed, leaving no scar behind. Fountains of water gushed up from the earth, cleansing the blood away.

“Where were you, when I needed you the most?”

psychic thunder


豊平区民TOYOHIRAKUMIN – 夕暮れsunset

Eagles – I Can’t Tell You Why

Wham! – Careless Whisper

Utada Hikaru – Simple and Clean

Butterflies and Snakes

1980s cell phone

Dolphins cut through the water. Parasailers hovered in the air. The sand sparkled in the sun. Palm trees swayed in the surfeit of ocean breezes. Hot dogs and burgers roasted on the grill. The surfers were out. The sun reflected off the high-rise resorts. The casinos and the ballrooms were full. Ranpan, the teen sensation idol, wowed the crowds from the summer stage. Couples walked up and down the length of the boardwalk. Red convertibles raced down the speedway that cut through the mountains. Sea spray perfumed and permeated the resort town. Every night, there were tiki torches and bonfires on the beach.

Alli sat in her open-air dojo, in a cotton, summer gi, watching the teal waves roll in. Sea gulls coasted the white caps. Already the first fires lit the beach. The wind blew in from the sea, chasing the night, jostling the braided ropes tied to the ceiling rafters. Sitting in a lotus position, Alli wiped a trickle of sweat from her forehead.

A couple dozen miles away, Kaan was rocketing around the mountains in an old, rickety coupe, rounding corners and holding curves. Alli did not look up when the gravel crunched, and Kaan pulled in. Kaan breathlessly ascended the steps to the white floor of the octagon. “You have got to help me!” she gasped.

Alli opened her eyes and stood up, meditation over, “What is it?”

“Dallas is back! And she has Aspen!” Kaan yelled.

The two friends shared a look, “But what do you want me to do about it?” Alli asked, at length.

Kaan was lathered up, “You have to get Aspen back! You must help me! You’re the only one who can take on Dallas!”

Alli exuded calm, trying to reach Kaan, to ensconce her friend in a cocoon of positive energy, “But can’t you see that fighting her won’t solve anything?”

Kaan wouldn’t give up that easily, “Sometimes, there’s nothing left to do but to fight! She left you, which was bad enough, but she didn’t have to take my Aspen too!”

Alli leveled her eyes at Kaan, “You know once we go into this nightclub, there is no going back, right?”

Kaan met Alli’s eyes; there were tears in Kaan’s eyes. Alli nodded.

Alli put on a black buttoned-up shirt and jeans and got in Kaan’s busted coupe. Kaan rounded the hills again, tossing Alli along and hugging the winding road that connected the beachfront to Downtown.

Kaan parked outside of Cad’s. The couples were ambling about: flashy dresses, silk shirts, and white shoes. Kaan and Alli glanced at each other, before walking into the cavernous opening, framed by velvet rope.

Inside metallic light grazed their faces. Female and male servers walked around, proffering neon-colored shots in test tube glasses. The bartenders served up Day-Glo martinis, under the glare of the black light.

The crowd of shadows shifted back and forth under the strobes spinning in the darkness. Kaan and Alli walked through the gloom, the smoke machine going at full blast, speakers under the dance floor reverberating with every beat.

In the lounge, at a table of Dallas’s artist friends, sat Dallas and Aspen, surrounded by clinking glasses and writhing dancers. Kaan and Alli stood at a distance. Party-goers were crushed together, holding shots of tequila aloft, gripping bottles of beer, shouting to hear one another, over the thunderous rhythm.

Dallas caught their glance and put down her mimosa. Aspen, also saw them and froze. Dallas met their gaze and stood up, slinking toward them in a sheer, sequined dress. She arrived in front of them, heels clicking on the dance floor, “Want to take this outside?”

Kaan and Alli nodded. Dallas motioned to her entourage, and Aspen, who stood up, with hesitation. The group moved to the parking lot outside, feet shifting in the loose gravel.

Dallas snapped to a towering body guard, who tossed her two katanas. Dallas flung one at Alli, who deftly caught it.

Both drew their swords and dropped the scabbards. They rushed at each other. Steel met steel. The two disengaged, struck and parried. Dallas moved in one smooth motion, a liquid snake. Alli parried and parried again. Riposte.

Dallas parried the strike and shot back out, as fast as a cobra. She swung past Alli, arm held up like a hook, hand craning down, like a biting adder. The blade slashed through the back of Alli’s left hamstring, bringing her tumbling to the ground.

Kaan bellowed and ran forward, but Dallas quickly dispatched her with a hilt jab to the pressure point on the clavicle. Kaan folded. Dallas walked away, “You’re lucky I didn’t kill you.”

The guard took back the swords and the jeering crowd dispersed from around the two prone figures, and reformed, wandering back into the club.




Summer Lady


Midnight Drive (based on “Wish I Didn’t Miss You,” by Angie Stone, and “Back Stabbers” by The O’Jays, 1972)


Deborah Cox – Things Just Ain’t the Same [Hex Hector Radio Edit]

The Weeknd – Party Monster

Christopher Cross, feat. Michael McDonald – “Ride Like the Wind”

GreyscaleSound – Still You and I// (based on “Nothing Can Come Between Us” by Sade)